Today is a perfect example of one of those days.
There’s a lot going on in my head at the moment.
Yesterday I heard that my grandparents had been in a car accident – they’d gone off the road and over a bank. They’re both alright, but my grandfather was staying in hospital overnight just in case. In the meantime, they’re diagnosed him with Paget’s disease over and above is history of heart disease and strokes (and this is a man who exercises everyday and has eaten well every day of his 90 years). This one man is the reason I don’t believe in karma.
Then there’s the smaller things like work (why can’t I stop thinking about it after 5pm Friday!?), money (where does it all go?!), keeping on top of all the cleaning (this article was the first thing I read this morning), and – oh, I don’t know – what do I want to do with my life?
I’m so stuck in my head that I can’t seem to get anything done, and the stuff I am doing… I’m stuffing up.
It’s a beautiful day out and I should be jumping at the chance to go for a long walk somewhere new, or getting stuck into the garden which needs so much work. But, mentally, everything seems so… impossible. Everything feels impossible.
It’s a tricky situation – I know that getting out and going for a run, or getting to the gym, is going to get me out of my funk and hit me with the all-powerful blast of endorphins. But there’s also a chance that in the midst of it all I will break down, curl up into a ball and sob until I’m physically removed.
It’s a hard thing to describe. That ‘tricky situation’ – when looked at written down – doesn’t look tricky at all. Logically, the answer is simple – get out of the house, do something, distract yourself. Once you’re distracted, the endorphins will start kicking in and you’ll be fine.
Except that it’s almost like something that I need to let run its course. Like a stomach bug, holding it back or suppressing it isn’t going to make it pass any quicker. Especially when I know I have to go into work on Monday.
Some days just need to be spent under the duvet with your laptop.
At least today I’m not nursing a tub of ice cream with it.